Do Not Ever Get Married

[michaelintglsdfjsdlfjsdf]

Reading this gives me pain. But think for a while that actual person actually go through this:

The email: I read your article titled "America's debtor prisons for men". The article is very well written and it points out a huge problem we have in this country. Thank you for writing that article!

I would like your help if possible. I was ordered in 2001 to pay $2000/mo. alimony to my ex-wife for life in addition to child support. Alimony is not child support. Even though all of my 3 kids are now over 18 or living with me, I'm still being forced to pay this alimony. And just recently I was threatened by my ex-wife to be thrown in jail unless I payed her over $25,000 that I had not been able to pay her due to my financial difficulties. It's like a ransom for my liberty. I am just one of many people suffering from this injustice.

All I ask is that you take a few minutes and write an article to expose the injustices of permanent alimony. I have included below a list with many reasons why the law needs to be changed and a copy of my personal story.

THE LIST: Florida's Alimony Law, F.S. §61.08, is UNJUST and needs to be changed.....

* This law allows the Courts to force an ex-spouse to pay PERMANENT ALIMONY to the other ex-spouse forever, unless the receiver of alimony remarries or dies.
This law was written in 1828 when alimony when most women did not work, did not have careers, and always stayed home caring for the kids.
It does not matter how old you are at time of divorce or if the receiver was working at time of divorce; even a 30-year-old person can be forced to pay alimony forever.
This law has loopholes so big that the alimony recipient can live with a lover and the children, be financially supported by the lover, and still receive alimony as long as the alimony recipient does not remarry. These loopholes encourage the receiver of Alimony to cohabitate with someone and never remarry destroying our family values.
It does not matter if the payer of alimony remarries, he/she still has to pay alimony forever.
All sources of income can be taken away from the payer to pay for alimony, even social security and disability benefits.
This law destroys families as it gives the alimony receiver financial priority over the children of the ex-marriage.
The state of Florida does not force a parent to support children over 18 years of age but it forces them to support an ex-spouse.
This law creates financial difficulties for the payer/parent and therefore causing the parent to spend less time with his/her children.
This law takes away the alimony recipient's desire and need to rehabilitate themselves and therefore defeats the purpose of any rehabilitative alimony or support that is awarded by the Courts.
Texas has already limited the time of support given to an ex-spouse to 3 years. Florida’s legislators and laws are behind in the times.
Texas' alimony law has been in place and working for over 15 years.
One third of wives are chief breadwinners (source MSN.com) These wives will be forced to pay Permanent Alimony to ex-husbands because they (the women) made more money during the marriage. This shows that this existing problem with the Alimony Law is a problem being faced by both genders.
Florida is losing a lot of residents because of the Alimony Law. Those residents are leaving the state because they know that if they get a divorce here that they will probably have to pay the ex-spouse alimony for the rest of their lives.
This law is bad for Florida's economy. The Alimony money that is now being wasted by ex-spouses could otherwise be used to start businesses in Florida.
This Law is bad for families. It is encouraging divorces and encouraging the alimony recipients to not remarry and therefore destroying family fabric and values.



THE STORY: This is letter is intended to tell the horrific story of a man and dedicated father that at the age of 34 years was Ordered by a Court in Broward County Florida to pay permanent/lifetime alimony to a healthy 33 year old woman.

Here is a summary of the story using a timeline:

2000: In March, after 13 years of marriage and 3 kids, the former wife and I agree to separate and divorce due to irreconcilable differences. I left the marital home and voluntarily kept paying all household expenses. I had to move to Miami-Dade County and live with my parents because I could not afford a place of my own. The Former Wife filed for divorce in July. A temporary hearing was unnecessarily requested by the former wife, even though I was paying for everything, and I was Ordered to pay temporary support covering all of former wife’s expenses plus I was Ordered to buy the former wife a new car using my credit.

2000: Just a few months after divorce, the Former Wife started cohabitating with a boyfriend and they financially supported each other. My temporary support payments basically supported them both.

2001: In June, at the age of 34, I got divorced in Broward County, FL. The Former wife would not agree to settle, so there was a trial and a Final Judgment was Ordered by the court. The Former wife was 33 years old and had plenty of work experience but was not working at the time of divorce. The Former Wife did not have a high-school diploma or any certifications. We had been separated for more than a year. I was ordered by the Court to pay a healthy and work experienced ex-wife $2000 per month in permanent alimony, $100 per month in rehabilitative alimony for 3 years, and an additional $1149 of child support each month for our 3 children. The Former Wife was awarded the marital house and all of its contents, she was awarded all the marital assets. The Former Wife received half of my 401K. Each party was ordered to keep the debt in their name but my debt was greater. There was no equitable distribution of assets or debts.

My net income was $4730 per month and I was left with only 17.6% of this income
($ 781) for me to support myself and my kids when they were with him every other weekend. (see details below).

Here are the financial details of the Final Judgment:
Husband’s Net Monthly Income: $ 4,730
(after taxes and medical expenses)
Permanent Alimony to Former Wife for life: $ 2,000
Rehabilitative Alimony to Former Wife for 3 yrs: $ 100
Child support to Former Wife for 3 kids: $ 1149
Montly Marital Credit ordered to be paid by former husband$ 700
Available Net Income left to husband: $ 781
Percentage of ex-husband’s Net going toward alimony: 44.4%
Percentage of ex-husband’s Net going toward alimony & child support: 68.6%
Percent of ex-husband’s Net going to ex-wife and marital debt: 83.4%

2001-2004: Former Wife worked at cash jobs like hair styling salon and worked from home so that she could hide her income from Former Husband.

2004, July: The Former Wife had by now received the 3 years of rehabilitative alimony; she went to technical school and she had attained her GED diploma and she had attained 2 certifications: Cosmetologist (06/17/2004) and Nail Specialist (02/12/2002). The former wife was now “rehabilitated”, educated, working, cohabitating and receiving financial support from her boyfriend. I received legal advice not to attempt a Modification of Permanent Alimony because there was no law regarding “cohabitation”. After 4 years of living with my parents, I was finally able to buy a small one-bedroom condo.

2005: SB 152 was passed into law. It added section 61.14(b)(1) to the FL statutes which supposedly allows a Court to modify or terminate permanent alimony if a former spouse is cohabitation. The new law is very weak in its language and makes it very difficult for anyone to prove that cohabitation exists. I received legal advice not to attempt a Modification of Permanent Alimony because of the poor wording of the new law. I was advised to wait for “case law” to be decided by the Appeals Courts based on this new law. Therefore, I continued to struggle financially and continued paying $2000/mo. alimony and $1149/mo in child support.

2006, February: Former Wife starts cohabitating with a new boyfriend.
2006, December: My eldest son, at the age of 16, gets kicked out of Former Wife’s home by the Former Wife and comes to live with me permanently. The Former Wife stopped talking to our son, she shunned him, and until this day she refuses to stay in touch with him and she has never agreed to any therapy to repair the relationship with her son. Since I was now earning more income than in 2001, I did not seek a Modification of Child support or Alimony because I was advised that it would cost me more in legal fees than what I would probably have been able to reduce the child support. I did not see any chance at the time to reduce or terminate alimony due to the history of alimony cases and the fact that the Former Wife had recently entered into a new cohabitation relationship; only 1 Appeals case law (Donoff v Donoff 4D05-3918) regarding cohabitation was decided that year and it was based on a long-term cohabitation. At this time, I was still paying $2000/mo. in permanent alimony and $1149/mo. in child support for 3 children, although 1 of the 3 children was now living with me.

2007: In the summer, my middle child and daughter, age 16, also moved in with me. The Former Wife’s relationship with our daughter became strained very similarly like it did with my oldest son. The Former Wife stopped talking to our daughter and treated her like an outcast. The Former Wife had now been in the same cohabitation/supportive relationship for almost 1 ½ years. The Former Wife had now been working full time at a business (so I could prove her working capacity) for over a year. By now, 3 more appeals cases ( Buxton v Buxton, Bagley v Bagley, and Zeballos v Zeballos) based on cohabitation law have been decided. I moved to a bigger 3 bedroom house to accommodate my 2 children and rented out my 1 bedroom condo. I hired a private investigator that confirmed that the Former Wife was working full time and still in a financially supportive relationship and cohabitating. So I decide this was a good time to file for a modification hoped that justice would finally be done. I hired an attorney and filed a Petition for Modification of child support and alimony around June. At this time, I was still paying $2000/mo. in permanent alimony and $1149/mo. in child support for 3 children, although 2 of the 3 children were living with me.

2008: In July, after more than a year of litigation and hearings, and after paying thousands of dollars in legal fees, I got a “temporary” reduction of my child support from $1149/mo. to $513/mo. until a final hearing could be held. However, I was ordered to pay $4500 toward the Former Wife’s attorney fees which made the reduction in child support not noticed financially. I tried to get an expedited Final Hearing for my Petition to terminate and/or reduce alimony and to permanently reduce my child support but the Former Wife’s attorney kept delaying the case. Around August, I was broke and had to start representing myself PRO SE. While representing myself, I got a Final Hearing date for February 19, 2009. At this time, I was still under Order to keep paying $2000/mo. in permanent alimony. I agreed to pay my former Attorney $673 a month to pay off the balance I owed and hoped that this would all end in February 2009.

2009, February 19: What I thought would be the Final Hearing took place. I hired the same attorney, who I still owed money, to represent me at the Final Hearing because I was inexperienced at trial and was afraid that all my evidence would be thrown out by the Judge. The trial started at 10 AM. The Judge took two hours break at one point. So the one day of hearing was not enough and the Judge scheduled a second day of hearing for April 8, 2009. All my expert witnesses had to be told to go home and I was charged for their time waiting outside the Court room.

2009, April 8: During the 2 days of the Final Hearing, I brought in a reputable forensic accountant as an expert witness to show that the Former Wife and her cohabitant boyfriend are financially supporting each other. I also brought in 3 different private investigators that testified that the Former Wife and her cohabitant boyfriend are living together. The Former Wife admitted to making almost $19,000 in income, which was close to the $24,000 being received in alimony when had no job at time of divorce. But the Judge ignored most of this evidence and ruled in favor of the Former Wife. The Judge ruled that the Former Wife was to continue to receive permanent alimony of $2000/mo and that Former Wife was now to also receive $1000/mo.in child support for 1 child. The child support was increased from the $513 Ordered earlier in the year. The $1000 for 1 child was almost the same I was paying in 2001 for 3 children because now I was making more money than when I got divorced in 2001. So after showing all the changes in circumstances since the divorce 8 years ago, I got “screwed” again by another Judge that believes that divorced women deserve to be supported by the former husband regardless of the changes taken place since the divorce.

2009, April 13: I went into a huge depression and had to file for medical leave from my employment. After my employer’s sick days ran out, I started collecting short-term disability and stopped paying Alimony to Former Wife because I could no longer afford to pay it. I continued to pay child support of $513/mo. for my 1 child living with Former Wife at this time.

2009, May 28: My attorney sends me an email stating, “I need your assistance in finalizing the credit portion of the proposed Final judgment”. That same day I replied with the correct credit of child support owed to me by former wife for child support I over paid since my daughter came to live with me.

2009, May 31: My 1-bedroom condo that I had rented out was going to be foreclosed so I had to short-sale it. So I lost my only property.

2009, June 5: At the end of the school year, my smallest child, 13 years of age, came to live permanently with me. The former wife chose her cohabitant boyfriend over her own son and pushed the son out of her home. So by now all 3 kids were being supported and taken care of by me, including college expenses for 2 of the children.

2009, June 30: The final Judgment had not been filed and no communication had received from my attorney. I sent a certified letter to my attorney asking for an update in my case and asking for a final bill.

2009, July 2: My attorney replies via email and states, “Judge has not yet entered the proposed Final Judgment.” My attorney does not send me a final bill after several requests on my part so it becomes obvious that she does not want to state how much I owe her. In the meantime my attorney kept demanding payment even though she was aware of my dire financial situation and that I could barely support myself and my kids. My own attorney had turned against me now.

2009, July 10: I was in deep financial trouble by now and was forced to file for bankruptcy on my own because I had no money to hire a bankruptcy attorney.

2009, July 13: I was involuntarily terminated by my employer, after 12 years of service and dedication, due to not being able to return to work due to my disability.

2009, July 14: I sent an email to my attorney on this day stating, “Please file a request immediately with the court to withdraw as my attorney and send me a copy”. My attorney already knew my financial situation. My attorney replied the same day via email and stated, “The entry of a final Judgment generally signifies the end of a proceeding, to the extent that a motion to withdraw is not necessary. I have called and have written Judge ___, and she is now considering the proposed Final Judgment. “ My attorney goes on to say that she and the forensic account, her friend, are “disappointed” in me for not paying them and that they will come after me for the money owed to them. My attorney filed the Motion to Withdraw and mailed me a copy.

2009, July 25: Former Wife’s attorney files a Motion for Contempt and Motion for Attorneys Fees. I received a copy of this from my attorney almost 20 days after it was filed. 20 days is the deadline to file a response. This should have been sent to me immediately after it was filed.

2009, July 29: My attorney sends me an email stating, “According to Judge ___’s Judicial Assistant, the Judge's procedure for an agreed upon withdraw (withdrawal with the consent of the client) is for the party to sign the Motion to withdraw, and that document, along with a proposed Order permitting withdrawal, are sent to the Judge for execution. Accordingly, there will be no hearing tomorrow, and I am attaching hereto the Motion to Withdraw, which has been revised to include a signature portion. Please sign the Motion, scan the document and email it back to my office, and mail the original to my office.” I signed the paperwork and sent it via email and USPS mail back to my attorney. I received a copy later by mail showing that this was filed and sent to opposing attorney on July 29th.

2009, August 10: The final Judgment for April’s hearing had still not been Ordered by the court. I file the following Motions in Court: Motion to disqualify the Judge (because of fear that I will not get a fair hearing in the future, Motion for Temporary Relief and Motion to Abate alimony and Child Support (due to my inability to pay alimony and CS), a new supplemental Petition for Modification and Enforcement (due to all the changes in circumstances since April 2009 mentioned above), and a Response to the Motion for Contempt filed by Former Wife’s attorney on July 25, 2009. Copies of all this are sent via certified mail by me to Former Wife’s attorney along with letter stating that I was now representing myself again.

2009, August 12: The Meeting of creditors was held for my Bankruptcy filing. This is where creditors are allowed to show up and state any reason for the bankruptcy to be delayed. My former attorney is the only creditor that showed up to try to delay by bankruptcy. This goes to show that most family attorneys are more interested in the money than in families. I am grateful that the US Bankruptcy Trustee denied my former attorney’s request due to the overwhelming evidence of my financial circumstances.

2009, August 14: I filed an updated Financial Affidavit showing the Court how I was making much less money now with the disability payments and a copy is sent to opposing attorney along with a letter to try to settle and end the case.

2009, August 19: The Judge signs an Order stating that my attorney is permitted to withdraw and that now I’m representing myself again and that all communications should be sent to my address. The copy of this Order was received by me around August 20th, sent by my attorney. The Order shows the stamp form the Judge’s office dated August 19, 2009 but someone wrote “10” over the “19” . Therefore, it is ambiguous as to whether the Order was issued on August 10 or August 19th. This is not the first time I see this done by the Court. I do not think it is a coincidence that this Order has the date of the 10th, the same day I filed my motions (see above).

2009, August 20: Former Wife’s attorney writes a letter to the Judge along with another Motion for Attorneys Fees and telling the judge that I was making approximately $100,000 a year and that I have the ability to pay. He sent this letter knowing that the $100,000 was nowhere near what I was receiving in disability. He purposely lied to the Judge. But that attorney is accustomed to telling lies in the Court.

2009, September 03: I receive a certified document from the Former Wife. The Former Wife never sends me anything by mail. I open it and it’s a Motion to Strike my new supplemental Petition and asking the Court to Order me to be incarcerated for past due Alimony and Child Support. The 4 page document makes reference to “a final judgment that was entered less than a week ago”. That Final Judgment is supposedly the one for the April 08, 2009 Final Hearing. In page 4 of the document, she asks the court to throw me in jail and to make me post a bond of $24,286 and if I refuse to post the bond to throw me in jail for 181 days, to take away my driver’s license and to take away all of my professional licenses. At this point I did not know if the Final Judgment had really been issued because I never got a copy from anyone. Therefore, I went online to the Broward County 17th court website and find out that I must pay $5 to view a list of filings on my case. I paid the $5 and found out that a Final Judgment was filed on August 19, 2009, at least that is what the online system showed. It was already too late for me to drive to the Court to try to get a copy of the Final Judgment. I also realize that it is now 15 days after the Final Judgment was filed and the rules only allow for 10 days after filing to ask for a rehearing or anew trial. In other words, nobody notified me of this Final Judgment in time for me to file a request for a rehearing. Given all the previous history mentioned above, I do not think there is anyone that can not see that there was negligence and/or immoral conduct leading to me not being notified of the Final Judgment. I can still Appeal the Final Judgment ruling (30 days allowed from final judgment filing) to the higher Fourth District Court of Appeals Court and I intend to do that.

2009, September 04: I updated my story above as I sat waiting for my son to get out of school. I was thinking about how the Former Wife is so vindictive that she will go as far as throwing the father of her kids in jail over less than $25,000. I was asking myself what could I have ever done to deserve this? And the only answer I can come up with is that I chose to divorce that woman. Divorce is supposed to “end” a marriage but divorce for me instead created a new “financial alimony marriage.” Neither the Former Wife or her unscrupulous “family” attorney care about “family” or about what happens to my kids if I have to sit in a jail. Instead, they will stop at nothing to see me stripped of everything. I do not care about money. I really don’t. This is not about the money. I care the world about my kids. And my kids need money to go to college. Good parents should make their kids’ lives, not money, their priority. According to the Alimony Law in Florida, it appears that I should neglect my children in favor of supporting the Former Wife. There is something very morally and ethically wrong with this law.

2009, September 08: I drove to the Courthouse to try to get a copy of the Final Judgment and I’m told that my case file has been sent to storage. I was told that I could go to the building of records where the documents are scanned to request a copy of the judgment. I went to that other building and was able to get a copy of the Final Judgment. It turns out that the Final Judgment was dated August 17, 2009 (hand written) and then filed on August 19, 2009. The Judgment stated that I am owed a credit of $8,268 from the former wife for my overpayments of child support. On this same September day I called the Broward Child Support Depository to see if that credit of $8,268 appears in my account. Instead, a woman named Lydia informed me that my account shows that I owe $5,980 in child support and that the child support was never lowered in 2008 form $1149/mo. to $513/mo. Lydia told me that she was going on vacation and to fax another person named Elaine Williams all documentation in order for them to correct my incorrect child support arrears.

2009, September 09: I faxed a letter to Lydia and Elaine Williams of the Broward Child Support Depository with an explanation of the discrepancy of my child support account along with all documentation to support and show that I should have a credit instead of a debt in my account. I have never been against paying child support.

2009, September 10: I called Prudential and filed an application to convert my 401K account (from my former employer) to an IRA so I can take money out of the IRA to pay any arrears in alimony. Prudential did not allow me to take out more money from the 401K (I already had a 30K loan). They told me it would take like 2 days to process. I also left a message for Elaine Williams of the Broward Child Support Depository
expressing how urgently I needed the corrections made to my support account so that I could pay off any arrears in alimony and avoid going to jail.

2009, September 14: I received a call from Elaine Williams of the Broward Child Support Depository explaining that the adjustments had been made and that I had a credit of $1,843.50 in child support overpayment and that I had an alimony arrears of $27,484.06. That meant that I had to come up with $25,640.56 to not go to jail.

2009, September 18: The 401K to IRA rollover was finally completed and I asked to withdraw $32,000 (minus 20% for taxes and penalties). I will have to pay taxes and penalties not only on these $32,000 distributed but also on a $30,000 401K loan that I had received in the past. Prudential mailed me a check for $25,600. This left me with $18,000 in my IRA account. So the government encourages people to save for retirement and then a judge forces you to hand over your retirement to someone else and you still have to pay the IRS penalties for involuntarily withdrawing the money.

2009, September 20: After reviewing the payment history statement sent to me by the Broward Child Support Depository, I found that errors still existed in my account and that I still had not been credited the $8268 for child support overpayment. So I wrote another letter to the BCSD. The BCSD then went on to do an audit of my account and finally corrected my balances.

2009, September 24: I paid $18,284 in alimony and another $1,018 in clerk fees to the Broward Support Depository in order to not be thrown in jail for not paying alimony. I was also informed by the Court Reporter that it will cost me over $4500 to attain the transcripts needed for my appeals case. This means that it will cost me over $6000 in court fees and reporter fees, as a pro se litigant, to appeal the final judgment of August 17, 2009.

Present day:

My ex-wife has now been in a cohabitating financially supportive relationship for at least 3 years and 6 months now and has NO INCENTIVE TO RE-MARRY because she will stop receiving the permanent alimony if she remarries. The result of the final judgment issuing alimony payments against me have made me struggle financially and personally for the last 8 plus years. Instead of dedicating 100% of my time and attention to my children, I’ve had to spend a lot of that time figuring out how to pay my bills and how to pay my Former Wife alimony.

The Alimony law here in Florida (Section 61.0 needs to be urgently modified. This law that allows “permanent alimony” to be issued to an ex-spouse is hurting relationships between good devoted parents like myself and their children. This law is destroying families. It is creating financial difficulties for a lot of good parents like myself and therefore causing the parents to spend less time with their children. Permanent alimony takes away the recipient's desire and need to rehabilitate themselves and therefore defeats the purpose of any rehabilitative alimony that is awarded. Permanent Alimony is wrong and has to be stopped. I am certain that the alimony law was not originally written with this intention but this is a fact of the resulting effect it is having.

I’m an excellent parent who has 3 children who all decided to live with me because they preferred to live with the father. I was a respected Board member of the PTSA at my daughter’s high school this past year. I’m just one example of the many victims of the permanent alimony law in Florida which is truly an injustice. There are many others out there suffering from this Alimony problem and this problem needs to be rectified because it is the morally correct thing to do.

My hope is that someone reads this story and decides to do something to stop this injustice. I hope that people will call and write their Representative or Senator and let them know their opinion on Alimony. I hope that a Representative or Senator will decide to write and/or sponsor a Bill to correct the unjust Alimony Law. I hope that news reporters will start investigating and reporting about the injustice associated with permanent alimony. Hope for a better and just world is what keeps us alive and makes us wake up each day. So I will keep hoping.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
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